a bushel and a peck

Next week is the 11th anniversary of my grandmother’s passing but I still pick up the phone to call her. Joan Didion called this “magical thinking;” the feeling our loved one is still available to us in an earthly way coupled with the immediate realization that they are not. I just laugh at myself when this happens and then I talk to her anyway. I have AirPods so I’m pretty sure it goes unnoticed. And, if I pay attention, I’ll get a sign here and there that she hears me. She was my best friend and one of my dearest guiding lights, a beautiful example of grace and strength for our family and for her community. We got to have her for 96 years and she’s still showing us the way.

My Mimo experienced tremendous tragedy as a little girl and when devastation blindsided her again, along with me and my brother, she walked through it with us and showed us not only how to survive, but how to allow loss to propel us forward. She showed us how to honor our beautiful mother, her own precious daughter, lost too young, as well as how to honor ourselves. We may not have navigated that with perfection but the threads of encouragement she instilled helped pull us through. Her lessons, her depth of understanding, her generosity, and her faith live on.

Most of the time, I reach to her memory and her spirit to celebrate good news - even though she already knows it! And I lean into her wisdom for the challenges. My life, like yours, is wonderfully full of issues to face, both in my outer and inner worlds. There are things to worry or fret over, things to doubt, and sadly, things to grieve. I hear her voice as clear as a bell, during the happy occasions and milestones, as well as during the sad and scary times.

Here are some of my favorite Mimo-isms for the good times and the less than good times, along with a few random directives thrown in just because they show up from her regularly ….

“I love you, a bushel and a peck…!” (Sung with a jaunty little dance!)

"Help me put this sofa closer to the windows and let’s move some art around and give this room a total refresh. I want to have my girlfriends over for drinks!” (Two hours before said drinks.)

“Baby girl! Have you made a list of your blessings lately?” (When I whined.)

"I love you and I know your heart and so does Jesus. Tell Him your troubles - we can do it together and I’ll share mine too.” (When I cried.)

“Honey, pour me a little splash of bourbon with a bigger splash of water, please.” (This was often followed by, “If you’ll drink this instead of the beer y’all are swilling at TCU you won’t get fat and you won’t be hungover.”)

“Let’s make tapioca pudding and eat it for breakfast!” (Or, “I have brownies if you’d rather have those instead of eggs and toast.”)

“That issue frightens me, too. Let’s talk about what we have power over and what we need to let go of."

“You can stay up as late as you want to as long as you are reading books.” (I was five years old and I did stay up until probably 2am and did not get in trouble.)

"Keep blooming!” (My cousin had this tattooed on her wrist.)

“Ashley, you are a pretty girl, you paint pretty pictures, and you have excellent posture but you cannot sing worth a lick so don’t embarrass yourself.” (I did and do anyway, sorry Mimo.)

“So what is your plan? I am here to be your sounding board." (She was the best listener ever created, bar none.)

"I have experienced something like this and this is what I did that helped and here is what I did that didn't work and I know someone who knows far more about this than we do! Let’s call her!" (Always humble about her own foibles and always keen on reaching out to, and praising, those who helped her.)

"I see your doubt. I have enough faith for the both of us that it will all work out. Remember that mustard seed!”

“You are a fine, lovely, and tender woman - don’t change!”

"What are you doing for you? What are you doing to take care of yourself?" (Often accompanied by the means to afford some self-care.)

"I know it may feel like it takes a long time, but in a few weeks you will be smiling, plus, you will be stronger."

"I am hugging you in my heart right now - can you feel it???”

“That silver is not going to polish itself.” (She’s saying this to me right now.)

“Go look at the full moon! I will too and we will both be under the same moon together!” (On a late-night call from her when I lived in Miami and was terribly depressed.)

“Do not save that - dress, china, jewelry, whatever fine thing - for a special occasion. It was made to be enjoyed so enjoy it!”

“Get some alone time. It’s important to have a good relationship with yourself.”

“No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (Eleanor Roosevelt said it first but Mimo said it too.)

“Don’t be like them. Don’t lower yourself. We stand on the shoulders of people who made enormous sacrifices so that we could live a free life. We owe it to them to hold tight to our values.”

“Have some friends in every generation, honey, because unique wisdom is found in the young and the old.”

“Did you take time to recite the Lord's Prayer and the 23rd Psalm today?” (Some of the best advice ever.)

“I’ll always be right here.” (While pointing to my heart.)

“Look for dragonflies and random pennies from heaven! They are from me!”

“It’s never really the end.”

It is my prayer you have someone in your life like my Mimo. Someone with experience and wisdom combined with a compassionate heart and a deep faith. Someone generous enough to share their insights and truths. And someone who's voice still rings in your ears with love and reassurance even when you cannot be together.

Thank you my Mimo, I know that was you!

xoxo

A