My grandfather experienced dementia. It may have been Alzheimer's, or dementia caused by something else. My grandmother had suspicions and ideas, but the clinical reality of what caused his caring and brilliant doctor's mind to falter and fail is lost forever. Today, I work for an organization that not only cares for people with dementia, we educate the public on it. It's a sad truth, we see more and more cases of cognitive loss related to aging but we should not give up hope. I seriously do not want you to lose all hope!
Over the next series of essays I'll share my beliefs (based on experience), as well as research, that point to hope. Hope for those experiencing disease. Hope for their loved ones. And, hope for society as we experience aging for the second largest generation, the baby boomers.
I'll leave you with one meaningful point of light before I sign off. If you have a loved one experiencing dementia and they seem to have forgotten your name, your job, your children, how old you are, or even if they seem to be mystified by who YOU are, you are not really forgotten. Their disease may have progressed to the point where they may not be able to wind their way along the neurological path that leads them to their memory of you, but it doesn't mean the memory is no longer there.
Sometimes, tangled memories can be freed with cues the senses provide; released through music, fragrance, taste. Sometimes memories can be freed through patient and calm repetition. While I'm not sure there is research to substantiate this, I feel it may be that memories are freed in dreams. It's ok to help your loved one experience memories even if they can't remember. This may sound convoluted, but we will get into this more deeply in a future essay. Who you are to them is attached to emotion. If you can help them to that feeling, their experience may not look like the remembrance you expect, but it will help you see a positive effect on them. More on this soon. It's not easy, but you have moved into a deeply important position. That of memory keeper. I know it hurts, but what an honor.
I'll share more as soon as I can. My real job is excitingly full these days! In the meantime, please take good care of yourself. And, I pray the light of hope shines into your life at every possible opportunity.
"The people I look up to are growing older - the ones I don't want to have to learn to live without. I need their wisdom and their courage now, more than ever, when time or illness or disease are unrelenting. ... And all I want to do is stop the clock..."
Excerpted from "for when parents are aging," from The Lives We Actually Have by Kate Bowles & Jessica Richie
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